You know the times when you want to open your post/essay/poem with a bomb quote/sentence and the internet just doesn't suffice with respect to ideas you can jump off of?
Yea, well that's ME, right now, lol.
However, luckily for all my lovely readers I am such a bomba** writer, (I say this in the most humble way possible) that I can just make one up off the top of my head!
All I do is close my eyes, reminisce, get into deep, deep thought of what "Phases" signifies through my eyes and Wallahhhhhhhhhhh!, Here you are:
"Things in life sometimes shift uncontrollably, just as the plates of the earth shift during an earthquake. Yet, in these trying but propitious moments, it's only right to acknowledge the fact that you are not in control and that the presence of a phase is that inevitable and uncontrollable shift."
- Chántelle Agbro
Sooo, what do you guys think?
Amazing, it's just like magic!
Yes, I know! **Takes a bow, while smiling, and staying gracious, because that's what Beyoncé taught me! lol)
Okay, I'm done. Really, on a serious note, these phases have been appearing very frequently lately, they got me going more crazier than usual.
Sometimes they're so spontaneous that I get annoyed as to how quickly everything just alters within me.
I am starting to realize how the struggle of going through phases in my life, on top of the mood swings I already have actually is. Obviously, I knew this before about myself but at this time more than ever I can't turn to anyone to really understand every inch of what I feel. I'm the only one here, in South America, in my shoes and I have to face the music, it's that simple. I don't have to face it necessarily alone but kind of, because there are moments when I just have to figure it out.
Besides the fact I am 20 years old about to be 21 in July and that I've ever really relied on people because I hate to, I have to ultimately work through certain phases alone.
A lot of the times I will feel one way and I won't even know why or how I'm feeling that way. In turn, when people want to know what's wrong or think that I only speak when it's convenient for me, it's not true, it may be physically true but internally it's not.
I'm so sorry for making anyone feel that way. Sometimes I'm really trapped in these phases and I don't know how to get out. I tend to distance myself not only because it's my personality but because I feel like I just need to be productive all the time. I don't want to slack nor lack in the process towards conquering my goals.
But it's also times like these where I'll find myself getting so wrapped up in that, I'll forget to enjoy the now, enjoy the reality of being abroad and immersed in another continent.
I actually told my mom the other day, that it's summer here now and while I'm trying to get into the swing of things I better make room for some fun. If not, I will be in all semester. I've done it before, with slight regrets, lol.
So with sacrifices to being great, I also just have to find that balance, so my marvelous experience doesn't pass me by in the blink of an eye, because it will. Time waits for no one.
You feel me?
These phases have me thinking and asking myself:
"Why did you have to want to be great Chántelle?"
"Why couldn't you just settle, just write your thoughts in a private journal like everyone else and just go with the flow?"
"Why did you have to want more out of life, and be so ambitious and fearless?"
I now know for a fact that my success is bigger than me. Yes, of course I will make sure my parents never work again a day in their lives, take care of my sister and spoil my friends and myself. Yet, with all that it's more than those basics. I'm here to inspire in away that is beyond your imagination! Honestly, I don't even know what God has planned but I know it's extravagant and it's above any mental process of the human, it's supernatural.
Don't believe me?
It's actually really scary at times, and although I don't owe anyone an explanation of how I am, why I think the way I do, or why I do what I do, I never want to push away feelings of genuine concern from people, never.
I know what that feels like, and I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone, trust me.
From my experience, to my mental state, to the messages I send out towards people, to just adapting to these phases in general, I'm learning something new about me every day.
"Everyday ain't good but everyday ain't bad."
- August Alsina
"The more you know who you are and what you want the less you let things upset you."
So there you have it. I have phases of:
Happiness - When I wanted to be around the group all the time, I was good in my comfort zone because South America was still new. So happy I'm here to become better than I was yesterday!
Sadness - over ALL THE ABOVE...
Anger - Not to sure if it's been this deep but I get angry when I feel like I'm being judged or not taken seriously.
Being Irritated - ALL THE TIME over everything! (I know it's terrible, I'm working on it I swear!)
Being too excited - About the person I will be when it's all over!
Is that a lot?
I know you're saying yes. Well welcome to my life! lol
If this is your first time reading my post I hope it isn't your last. In fact, tell me about you!
What phases do you have? How do you cope? Is this a thing for everyone or am I just losing it?
Let me know, and remember:
Feeling everything so very deeply is both a gift and a curse, but with that being said, would there be a point to existence if there was no feeling or phases?
I'm not so sure that there would be. Learn to work through your phases, they are only there for your gain!
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